So my mood has vastly improved. I feel like some of the important things have been finally accomplished today through teamwork. Go luna family.
so the fire is still blazing.
All I can say is WHy??
Why so much suffering?
I know through suffering we learn compassion, but its hard to see others suffer...to see people lose their homes, keepsakes, and lives.
Hopefully, the brave firefighters and team contain the fire before it continues to destroy.
I shall say a prayer for all those who've evacuated their homes, firefighters, and those who've passed away because of this wildfire.
Dear lord I pray that you keep them in your watchful eye. And for the world...let there be love not hate...tolerance not hate...friendship not foes...joy not sadness.
Amen!!
The fires are still uncontained. I'm worried about my dog...cause she's been lacking energy cause of the heat and smoke.
My dad rushed to the store and bought a airpurifer and a fan...so now anabelle is all jumpy and happy.
thank you angel. you are always there shielding me...lettingme know that you love and care for me. I thank you:)
so i got a call from vennie wondering how i was doing and if I needed to evacuate my house. But we still havent gotten the alert. im hoping not. cause i know no where but here. this is my house. Angel look out for me please.
I was deeply touched by her concern. She's one of my best friends. I've known her since I can remember. lol. I cherish her always in my heart. Kindness and Friendship is golden. Never waste anytime cherishing those who care about you. Cause if you don't than you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
Well the mountain is smoking and burning since thurs...but it seems almost symbolic to me. Cause that's exactly how I'm feeling inside. Ugh. I have no motivation for anything. Maybe I'm depressed. It wouldn't surprise me. Eh. I'm even too blah to care about being depressed.
The house is boiling...my skull feels like a dead carcass.
dear angel where are you? I feel you near me...but yet so far.
Sorry I haven't been updating...been out of spirits for a bit.
Here's a little recap of my weekday/weekend.
So thursday I got a call from ling asking me to come to irvine since Monica would be there too. Than got a call from monica saying she would pick me up and we'd drive to irvine together.
Friday morning, monica picks me up. lol...she doesnt recognize anabelle (my dog) cause she's grown really BIG. anyhow...we have some great laughs, stories, etc. We finally get to ling and avni's apt and we're all talking and laughing like good old times.
At this time, mon and I are starving so we're trying to decide where to go. Someone recommends Cheesecake Factory...so its a given. And its like burning inferno at the spectrum...but inside the restaurant its pure paradise. :)
haha and of course since great minds think alike, we all get the baja fish tacos. Except i get it with no beans...yes yes i know i'm a failure of a true hispanic.
ling and I order some dessert to go...cause its dessert! :) yumm..
anyhow...we were actually considering going to las vegas. And now retrospective...we should have gone. lol.
But anyhow we decide to go clubbing. We chose Tapas...but not only did we have to call the place for directions since mapquest failed us...but when we got there it was almost dead. tis sad!
so we all wonder where the heck where gonna go next. We grab some jack n box and head back to the apt. But, finally ling and mon decide on Hellville...i mean El Mirage. I cringe at the name. Its instinctive. lol.
I mean the place is ok...but its just i don't know not my fav place. Anyhow...I was kind of not too happy about it. and unfortunately my mood was obvious. But being me...i get over it...and something made me laugh and i was done with my gloom.
anyhow we get there...which btw...mon got stopped by this guy asking her to save him a dance. haha go monica!
we finally get into the place...but its a little slow when we get there...so we're just hanging on the outskirts. We're kind of like this for a while. And mon was not feeling too good so we're just watching people dance. But finally we get each other in the mood and we just dance.
I felt bad because i think i was stopping the girls from dancing with guys. :(
but the music was a drag. I think we spent most of the time sitting down than dancing. Which btw i love to dance.
I think my problem is I just don't really care about dancing with other guys. i totally cool with dancing with my friends...and having a good time. But, i forget thats not the case with other peeps.
anyhow...we wait a bit...decide to dance two full songs. And than we leave. so the clubbing was eh...at most. I think getting lost earlier was the highlight of the night. lol.
I'm exhausted. I need sleep.
I don't know whats gotten into me today. I can't seem to be motivated about anything.
It definitely doesnt help the fact that woman curse has come around.
I NEED something INSPIRING or even remotely INTERESTING to get the motivational juices flowing.
as for today...I basically stayed home today instead of heading to borders. I needed a break from looking at my screen for hours and only coming up with a paragraph or two on my book.
I did read kat martin's "HEART TRILOGY"...well 1st and 3rd. I just have the 2nd book and I'm done.
I wish there was some dream job where they paid you to read books. Wouldn't that be fantastic? No, it doesnt seem as appealing as it sounds. I tend to thrive in challenge...I need to be constantly at the go of things. If only I could get some of this writer's curse, I'd feel 10 times better.
Wow I'm sounding so depressive. Ugh.
Maybe I should hibernate for a while...maybe than I could wake up rejuvenated and ready to take life by the hand.
But as for now...I'm wallowing in continual abyss.
I've finally been able to get a bit of me time to write a short blog. Which is ironic since I'm usually not doing much to begin with.
It's 12:40am and I'm not one bit tired. But i know that If I don't type this blog I probably will forget to...since I'll be busy surfing the net.
So I've been spending the past hr looking at the various courses offered by Northwestern. And I absolutely love them. I know I should be worried, but I'm not really. I just can't wait...even now just typing about it...my stomach fills with anticipation. soon!
Although, its bittersweet..this journey I have with northwestern. In part, I can't wait to learn from some of the best of the best. But, I wish I could keep my family and friends near. I've never been much of a sociable person. It usually takes me quite a lot of practice to feel somewhat at ease. Once I'm comfortable...well thats a whole other story. Time is haunting me...taunting me. Telling me that I have only 3 months and 24 days till I'm off to some other state. Wow the thought is a bit daunting! But i'm a survivor...I've already endured my own battle wounds...this is just another journey to take. But i'll be coming back home. Home...the very word brings comfort.
I got a wall post on facebook from monica telling me that she was back in California...and that we should hangout. I definitely need to see her...since its been so long. I've actually been thinking about her for a week...wondering how she's liking UV. I swear you're looking at a next-to-be CEO. I have no doubt in her future success. Hopefully I can get ling to go too. That'll be nice..a small reunion with good friends and ex housemates.
I absolutely love my freedom. And I mean freedom in t he sense of free will over mind, body and soul. I couldn't imagine at this point of my life...being in a relationship. For the most part I'm confident on who I am...but I still need to grow. And I need to grow on my own. I've always believed that if you wanted to know your value...you'd need to find your worth with your own two feet first. But, I don't criticize anyone for seeking a relationship in my generation. We're all trying to find ourselves in some way or another. It's just finding us that truly defines us.
well im off to bed since I have a date with borders and their oh so wonderful power outlets.
Well its finally time to say goodbye to my my space blog. We had some wonderful ups and downs. Heck I wouldn't be the Jenn I am right now if it hadn't offered me with warm arms the venue to sprout ideas, thoughts, sentiments, insanities, etc. It shall definitely be missed...like a gateway to my heart and soul.
But, despite saying goodbye to my blog on my space, I can NEVER retire from some sort of blogging. It's essential..like water to a man caught in the harsh sands of the Sahara. I've just forgotten how much I'm better because of it.
There's many things...roads I could have taken in my life, but I chose the one I am now. Sometimes, its not about the money or the sense of stability or duty, but rather a sense of knowing that you can go to sleep each night completely happy/satisfied for the most part, and know tomorrow will always be better.
I NEVER want regrets. I've know through the examples of others how damaging one can be if we hold too tight to past regrets. My theory is that the past helps to shape you, the present helps to ground you, and the future helps to motivate you.
People would consider me idealist...but I'm really not. I'm a die-hard realist. I know that things don't always turn out the way we want or believe they will. I'm practical in that sense. But, I do hope that their is good in this world. How do I hope this? Because I can see it each and everyday. Every time someone smiles, laughs, holds hands, kisses, hugs, respects, tolerates, cherishes, loves someone else it fills me with the hope that the world will OK.
Sometimes I feel older than I really am. I really should have been born in another era. At least when women writers we're fighting for penmanship and authority, they had something worth fighting for. I live in this constant marginalization from my fellow generation. I'm part of them, but not part of them. We're like estranged siblings who share blood, but who seem more like strangers.
I'm exhausted. I wish I could hibernate, but at last duty, reality sinks through the crevices.
I seriously could live alone and never fret. I don't know when I turned into such an independent person. It's a tad bit awkward when everyone around me, especially girls are so fixed or rather enamoured on the idea of marriage, relationships, etc. But, I'm one hundred percent not. Another point of oddity for Jenn!
No I'm not anti-marriage/commitment. Quite the opposite, I believe in those things...but they need to be constantly nourished so that they can prosper. I think some take it as just holding hands, kissing, the security of being with someone as the only components of a relationship. But, its so much more. It can be butterflies in your stomach, and warm hugs, and heartbreaking at the same time.
When the time comes, I'll be joining the leagues of all women as they push and shove their way up on the list for a Vera Wang gown. But, as for now...the veil and the bouquet are kept aside. There's just too much that I want to do now. I want to work as a journalist for a few years. Write a few novels. Travel around the world. Learn new things. Grow.
When I've accomplished those things...I'll be ready to set on shore, but for now I'm on a journey.
Who knew a keyboard, a screen and a basic template could be so healing and inspiring? But, it's nice to have this little haven to write.
But, at last the nocturnal blanket sets before my eyes....and I drift away....
But, despite saying goodbye to my blog on my space, I can NEVER retire from some sort of blogging. It's essential..like water to a man caught in the harsh sands of the Sahara. I've just forgotten how much I'm better because of it.
There's many things...roads I could have taken in my life, but I chose the one I am now. Sometimes, its not about the money or the sense of stability or duty, but rather a sense of knowing that you can go to sleep each night completely happy/satisfied for the most part, and know tomorrow will always be better.
I NEVER want regrets. I've know through the examples of others how damaging one can be if we hold too tight to past regrets. My theory is that the past helps to shape you, the present helps to ground you, and the future helps to motivate you.
People would consider me idealist...but I'm really not. I'm a die-hard realist. I know that things don't always turn out the way we want or believe they will. I'm practical in that sense. But, I do hope that their is good in this world. How do I hope this? Because I can see it each and everyday. Every time someone smiles, laughs, holds hands, kisses, hugs, respects, tolerates, cherishes, loves someone else it fills me with the hope that the world will OK.
Sometimes I feel older than I really am. I really should have been born in another era. At least when women writers we're fighting for penmanship and authority, they had something worth fighting for. I live in this constant marginalization from my fellow generation. I'm part of them, but not part of them. We're like estranged siblings who share blood, but who seem more like strangers.
I'm exhausted. I wish I could hibernate, but at last duty, reality sinks through the crevices.
I seriously could live alone and never fret. I don't know when I turned into such an independent person. It's a tad bit awkward when everyone around me, especially girls are so fixed or rather enamoured on the idea of marriage, relationships, etc. But, I'm one hundred percent not. Another point of oddity for Jenn!
No I'm not anti-marriage/commitment. Quite the opposite, I believe in those things...but they need to be constantly nourished so that they can prosper. I think some take it as just holding hands, kissing, the security of being with someone as the only components of a relationship. But, its so much more. It can be butterflies in your stomach, and warm hugs, and heartbreaking at the same time.
When the time comes, I'll be joining the leagues of all women as they push and shove their way up on the list for a Vera Wang gown. But, as for now...the veil and the bouquet are kept aside. There's just too much that I want to do now. I want to work as a journalist for a few years. Write a few novels. Travel around the world. Learn new things. Grow.
When I've accomplished those things...I'll be ready to set on shore, but for now I'm on a journey.
Who knew a keyboard, a screen and a basic template could be so healing and inspiring? But, it's nice to have this little haven to write.
But, at last the nocturnal blanket sets before my eyes....and I drift away....
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