A MoOnLiT HaVen...

Sometimes I feel so alone, like a flick of light within a black tunnel.

The realization burns the rim of the eyes, sheds guarded tears and amputates the soul.


I feel so endlessly alone, as if I'm at the margins of living. faces of laughter dance before me...like untangible fairies.

Sometimes I wonder if its just better to be completely alone...the pain is less, the heartbreak is less.

I feel myself being mentally, physically and spiritually pulled away from my parents, my friends, and everyone.

I wonder if I've changed? Have I?

My soul aches with unhealed pain...its like from the speech in "Scent of a Woman"...there is no prosthetic for an amputated soul.

I'm in that crossroad...where if no one or anything solid reaches out to say I'm here...you're not alone. Than I shall go into a shell and never let anyone in.

I'm scared.

haha and the ironic or funny thing (which ever you decide) is that no one even notices or even cares enough to no that i feel so alone.


You're probably wondering how i can feel so alone...but it isnt quantity...but quality that displays whether your alone or not.

There is beauty and life outside my window...but I feel like that hunchback on the tower...that is always the spectator...always deeply alone.


Maybe thats why I'm so independent. And don't get me wrong I love being independent...but my emotions get me sometimes.

Things have changed. I tend to be in conflict more often with my parents...especially my dad. I can't seem to connect with my friends.

I'm wishing more and more for Northwestern.

Have you ever gone into a pool and watched the sky as you floated. It's a beautiful thing. It's in those moments that I am so completely vulnerable and unguarded.

I use to remember that I rarely shed tears..but recently the seem to flow like wine. My head hurts from crying. I should make tea.


I could shut myself right now...and never connect with anyone. It's in my nature to do so. Maybe I shouldn't try to avoid nature.


Is anyone out there...Help me. Reach out to me. please...




There's no use jenn...you we're born in this world alone..invisible by nature and you shall remain so. Its better to just crawl right back into my shell. accept my fate...except this time I shall go resigning.

I don't know why i tend to be so honest on this blog...maybe its the knowledge that no one reads an insignificant blog of a wilted girl.


-prayer-

I ask you Lord and angel that you never let people forget the importance of closeness, of connection. Because sometimes it helps us in dire times.