Sometimes I wonder whats the point of trying to have friends. I can't reach them the way they want me too. I'm lousy at keeping in touch. And half the time I can't help give advise...when its obvious they just need me to listen.
But despite that, for some unknown reason to me...they keep reaching out for me...like I keep reaching out to them.
I just talked to a really close friend...a best friend...heck even a sista from another eggo. And I feel utterly useless. I know its her things to work with. But I'm her friend. I can't look the other way. I'm sorry I just can't.
I wish i could show her blue skies when all she sees is gray skies. I wish i could show her how prettty a rose looks without her seeing the thorns. But how do you make it look that simple. The answer is that it isnt that simple.
She thinks I don't understand...cause I've never felt that way. Never saw myself drowing...dying...rotting each and everyday...till the point where numbness is ur friend. As long as your numb your fine. But still battling deep down with that little voice that tells you that if you're not feeling...you're not living. You're absolutely wrong. We keep secrets till the grave you and I.
I felt it...had it... had that monster you call the A. But, people mistake it for shyness. ha. we wear a mask like a second skin.
But...I wont let it eat me away. It tried before. But, if I can't fight it. If i can't win my own demons ....than life isnt worth it. And its a shame...cause I have a great family. a smart brain. consciousness. principles. friends like you. And knowing that is a comfort cause i know that when im down...im not down alone. I've being pulled to the skies. All i need is to hold on. To reach out.
Is life that easy...NO! it isnt.
But its worth trying. That just it. IT's worth trying. Cause if someone who battles worse demons can fight for their life....why not me.
But believe what u believe. Take solace in what u can my dear friend. We all do. But know this..your not alone. You have a light that doesnt extinguish in the dark. I'm here as many others to tell you that you'll be ok...because u have us no matter the good and the bad that life brings you.
You're my friend. And i keep you close to my corazon! Never give up. Cause I wont give up on you. Id rather you hate me and be ok. than like me and not be ok. :)
Quotes:
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Albert Einstein
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.-- Alfred D. Souza
Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...-- Isak Dinesen
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